veiled exuberance

none shall pass.

if you were dying to know what became of me...

i'm in new zealand!  whee! 

it's been a really fantastic time - there's so much that's good about this place! 

i'll be home in a couple of days and back to my more usual habits.

got some pics of fungi for you, sheol.  your identification skillz better be up to snuff. 

hope you've all been well!

*hugs*
me

posted by: juuitsu at March 30, 2007 06:00 | link | comments (6) |

i was finishing up "A Great and Terrible Beauty," by Libba Bray, this morning and i ran across this quote:

"there are no easy choices...just other choices."

it seemed very profound.  i'd been filing some things the other night and i ran across this email from mf that i'd printed out.  it must have fallen out of my journal (which is where i was keeping such things at one time).  it was all about how he had decided to "choose nothing" because it was easier than choosing something and possibly making the *wrong* choice and then screwing everything up between us.  turns out that choosing nothing was about as wrong as one could go.  so i wonder if it was the choosing or the doing of the nothing that was easiest?   choosing "nothing" is an illusion, because inaction is still an action and choosing not to choose is still choosing.  decisions are made by not deciding.  the world continues to move even if you refuse to join in.  you opt in or you opt out.  there is no limbo, there is only the next move in the game - and the game goes on whether or not you choose to play.

and maybe?  if i keep going on like this?  i'll actually hit on something *really* profound.  :)

and that reminds me of this Zero Effect quote i like - "there are no good guys and bad guys...it's all just a bunch of guys!" 

posted by: juuitsu at March 14, 2007 05:16 | link | comments (2) |

sometimes i think i'm awfully hard on people - i'm not particularly forgiving and not particularly understanding and most especially not particularly patient.  and occasionally i want to kick myself for being that way.  or maybe the kicking should be an impetus to say out loud the things that are bothering me to the person who's doing them so that they would know instead of having these unresolved issues fester inside of me. 

like for instance...i got this unexpected phone call today while i was at work - my old, old friend lars was going to be passing through and wanted to know if she could stop by and see where i work.  the time was inconvenient for that, but we made other plans for her to come over to my place after her meeting so we could hang out for awhile.  the last few times i've seen her were for her bachelorette party and her wedding (and after she got married she became one of those married people who never does anything without her husband...and the dynamic *with* her husband just wasn't the same).  prior to that it was Other Events of That Nature.  and i was cross about us ONLY seeing one another at these obligatory get togethers, so i avoided several more baby showers and before we knew it 2 years had gone by. 

but just now we had an absolutely fantastic time.  we talked for a couple hours, walked around the square, bothered bunnies...  and it was really nice.  and i've been totally stubborn and stupid about this whole thing.  why am i such an idiot?  not that all times are or will be fantastic, but geez, there was a reason i liked her so much for all of those years.  she asks me things and actually listens to what tell her.  there's dialogue and discourse.  it's...nice.  i...*cringe* miss it.  and i didn't know because i didn't bother to see her for 2 years.  which makes me a whiney, spoiled, self-absorbed...yeah.  but, ya know, it might have made a difference if i'd said, "hey, lars, i'd like to see you on your own occasionally."  instead of being irritated that she always tried to do everything and accomodate everyone.  we might have Had Words about that, but at least we'd have been talking.  mmph.

posted by: juuitsu at March 14, 2007 04:58 | link | comments |

so, back when i had that other blog (shhh, secret!)?  i had posted part of a story.  and i was informed that the first part is still up, but now the link's broken, cuz i'd taken my part down.  so, here it is again.  if you missed it the first time it will be new to you!  if you saw it, you shall now enjoy it AGAIN.  really.  enjoy it already...

The Perils of Lady Arminzerella of the House of Leaves, Part the Second

(part 1 can be found here)

Where was Ndhgg?  she wondered.  And why was his young man so very fetching?  The word tripped through her mind and snagged on something.  Fetching.  A fetch.  Oh no.  His words were distracting - a screen.  She shook her head to clear it and hardened her gaze.  The young man regarded her openly, smiling, waiting for her acquiescence - to all appearances certain she would give it. 

"Who sent you?" she asked.  The melody was gone from her voice and she spoke sharply.

The man's smile flickered and he retreated slightly from her as she advanced.

"Loremistress..." he began.

"Nay.  Entreat me not, sir.  Tell me who has sent you.  The name of your master."

His brows drew together and he appeared genuinely bewildered.

There was still no response from Ndhgg and the Loremistress was losing her patience.

"I know not..." he faltered.

"Enough."

The man fell silent and simply stared at her.  His green eyes were clear and held no malice, although his gaze was more calmly direct than she would have liked.  She spoke a few Words under her breath and he froze in place...except for his eyes, which followed her approach.  When they were inches apart, she reached out and placed her right hand on his arm.  "Kneel," she said, and he complied.  Arminzerella tilted his chin and scanned his features.  Nothing.  Her hand lightly traced his jawline from throat to chin.  He was...well made.  She reached into the small leather pouch that hung on a thong at her side and sprinkled something on his forehead.  Then she placed her hand gently over the spot and waited.

A glow suffused both hand and forehead.  As it brightened, the young man's breathing became somewhat labored.  Still, the Words held him.  She meant to discover his identity - and that of his master, but she needed to do it without attracting the attention of said master.  The light dimmed.  As it faded, Arminzerella could see faint traces, tiny golden spider webs all a filagree around the man's body.  Head to toe he was wrapped in them, bound by them, and they glittered and winked even as they shackled and imprisoned.  A single golden thread led from his left heel away into the forest.  Ah.  A trail.

She brushed his eyelashes as she removed her hand, and he blinked once.  "Who are you?" she whispered. 

"Vandrach Moredei Hansfaller," he answered.

This told her nothing.  Vandrach Moredei Hansfaller was no one she knew or had heard of. 

"And whom do you serve, Vandrach Moredei Hansfaller?"

He was silent.  She added Persuasion to her voice and repeated her question.  The man made no response.  Curious.  The Words had never failed her before.  She considered her quarry and her quandary.

The revealed threads pulsed with the flow of his blood.  His body belonged wholly to someone.  This was strong magic.  However, she felt no blatantly malevolent intent in it or in him.  And, the Words still held him.  Could it be, she wondered, that he just did not know?  Was he unaware of both master and mastery?  She mentally stretched one of the threads - testing its strength without damaging it, and thus alerting whomever or whatever to her presence.  Strong, but flexible.  Powerful.  Adeptly placed.  She followed the intricate threads with her finger across his chest and lost herself in the pattern.  Subtle.  It flowed across his torso richly and hugged his skin, his aura, as a sort of spectral brocaded vest.

It was the artistry of the binding that convinced her in the end.  The man had been compelled, but he was unaware of it.  She would not learn anything from him directly.  But she had to discover the purpose behind his presence in her wood.  For some hand had moved him - adroitly, as across a chessboard.  And he had arrived to stand before her unscathed, untouched by the wards of the forest.  Was it a request for assistance?  Some veiled threat?  She did not know.  But the hand at the end of the thread would tell her much.  She had to follow it.

Just then...Ndhgg's voice in her head, "Loremistress..."  And she came back to herself, also kneeling, in front of the young man - her hand pressed against his bare chest, the laces of his shirt undone, his heart beating quick against her palm.

posted by: juuitsu at March 11, 2007 22:56 | link | comments |

my mom told me yesterday that she'd recently gotten an email from one of her "old beaux" (or is that beaus?  i nose not.)  and that she felt bad/guilty about what they'd been through - FORTY years ago.  because she handled things poorly.  mmph.  and i wondered, who the hell handles things well at 20?  i think pretty much no one.  you think you know everything, but you don't.  most people don't even handle things well even after that.  it's the being in the moment that teaches us how best *not* to handle things.  but maybe we're better prepared for those things next time they happen. 

she continued on to say that they'd been..."oh, how do i say this?  friends with benefits, i guess?"  and while i didn't say anything, my mind rebelled.  ACK.  Don't. Want. To. Know. This.  but i listened.  i'm not horrified.  i just never thought i'd ever have this kind of conversation with my *mother.*  all she's ever said to me about sex at all is "don't do it.  and if you DO - use a condom."  which, so far as guidance goes, is minimal.  she was always *very* concerned about my reputation - how other people would see me/our family/etc.  and maybe as a result, i haven't cared that much - or not to the point that it influences what i choose to do or not do.  other stuff plays into that, certainly, but not "what in the world will the Elwoods think?"  we, of course, know exactly what they think, because they're regularly screaming it at one another and slamming doors as one teen Elwood or another makes her escape out the front door or into the house.  this is also how my mother and brother were.  i kept my secrets and did not speak of them.  mom concluded her regrets by saying, "i just don't know what i was THINKING."  and i said, "you were thinking THANGS, bom."  and she got it.  whee!  and 8 years after nat she was able to say, "you know, i never understood what you saw in him as a person - he was bristly and arrogant - but, i tried to understand him for your sake - because i understand *that* kind of attraction."  yeah. 

banana's father said once that n. had a lot of potential - a more generous assessment than my parents were willing to make.  they were thinking more along the lines of - "potential DISASTER, you mean!"  *grin*

posted by: juuitsu at March 11, 2007 14:28 | link | comments |

i was looking bleary-eyed through my email this morning - waiting for a few things regarding nz accomodations to arrive.  there was an interesting message among the junk messages with this subject:

"regarding your upcoming sexual activity..."  and i wondered, hm, did i book that?  did i work out a good deal?  i sure hope so.

posted by: juuitsu at March 09, 2007 13:32 | link | comments (2) |

i realized that everything i had in my head to say has all been written in postcard form to oberon.  and i don't want to spoil his postcard reading.  sheesh.  i'll have to come up with a plan B.

this past weekend was insane, but in a good way.  [mr. wang can stop reading now, because he's already heard all of this, and he's got better things to do - like impersonating japanese rockers.  masaki!  right, so i digress...]  oberon and i made plans within plans and basically spent the weekend shuttling ourselves into the city to see fucked up theater. 

thursday night: This American Life
friday night: A Night of Drama at the booookstore
saturday night: Stone Cold Dead Serious
sunday found us both feeling like crap.

oberon got us tickets to see This American Life LIVE at the Chicago Theater - he's a member so he has all sorts of member benefits - like advance notice of events like this.  if you don't know, This American Life is on Chicago Public Radio (and other NPR stations) - and it's awesome.  you can listen to it here.  it's also going to be a show on Showtime with visuals and live interviews and a moving desk gimmick.  and that looks like it's going to be fantastic as well.  ira glass is the host and often narrator...when i saw him on stage i didn't really make that connection - until he started speaking - and then i had one of those stupid me moments where i thought, "omigod, it's that guy from the radio - it sounds *just* like him."  duh.  because it *is* him.  and there he is!  squee!  ok, not so bad.  there was this really tall guy in front of me that i couldn't see around.  and in front of him was someone *he* couldn't see around.  so we both craned our necks a lot.  i could see if i bunched my coat up on my chair, or if i sank really low in my seat and leaned on oberon.  neither of those positions was very comfortable for very long.  but it was still awesome!  there was this part where they showed some segments of the tv show - in particular, ira's interview with this guy who Really Loved His Pet Bull.  yep.  and the bull died.  and the guy was sad.  and then he thought maybe what he needed to do was skin the bull as a sort of tribute/honor thing.  but he kept being sad, "i kept skinning and crying and skinning and crying."  and in the unedited version, ira keeps nodding awkwardly, like, 'holy crap you're a whackjob, but i have to keep you talking, so i'm gonna keep nodding.'  [odd factoid: i learned just this morning that ira dated lynda barry and they had a really incredibly bad breakup - the woman who told me about it said she was never able to see ira glass in the same way AND that lynda barry had done a whole series of comics about it...so now i'm all intrigued for no good reason.]  we wandered around downtown for awhile after the show, but nothing's open late right in the center of it all.  we passed some guy who yelled "marry her already" at us.  which is new, since lately polling random strangers indicates (well, their opinions were unsolicited in every case, so 'polling' is inaccurate) that they think we're already hitched. no time for me to eat prior to the show (but i was NOT bitchy like monkeybaby), so we went to IHOP after - a very gay IHOP.  our server, paul, totally hit on oberon, which was funny as hell.  i wore my sexy red shirt, and o. said, "wow, you're wearing a *real* shirt" (apparently all he remembers of my wardrobe is my green "keepin' it rural" tractor shirt).  it's a fantastic shirt (both of them are).

(random tidbit of information: i have glitter in my belly button!  ack!)

i hadn't seen any of the drama bits that the bookstore has offered in the past.  a lot of the staff there is involved in projects, though - plays, short stories, poetry, art.  they're a very busy bunch of artistes.  there were two plays on friday night and they weren't bad.  the first one had some goofy cliche dialogue at some points, but was a real slice o' life (on a, perhaps, overdone theme - doing what you *really love with your life...or i'm past that 20 year old optimism that you can actually *make* it on doing exactly what you love...or think that doing what you love for MONEY will suck your soul dry).  the second one was by o.'s friend, c., and she was so nervous about seeing it performed that i think she hid off to the side somewhere (she'd been standing by us before that).  it was...fucked up...i guess is the best way to put it.  it's about this woman who leaves her boyfriend because she keeps seeing a ghostly girl whenever she's with him.  he hooks up with a really different kind of woman (read: easy whore) and eventually talks her into having a child with him.  the child and her mother are killed in a car accident (it sounds like mom intentionally drove into a post), and they stick around to haunt dad.  the ghost child goes to see dad's first love and tells her that her mom (ghost) is trying to kill him.  first love tries to help and things get particularly crazy and disturbing in a scene with them all in bed together where the guy is trying to rape his ghost daughter while his first love tries to stop him and his ghost wife eggs him on.  i think c. was sort of disturbed by how it came out (which is interesting, because SHE wrote it).  and the audience was definitely disturbed.  but the acting (for most of it) was decent enough to get us all to that disturbed place (so, well done THEM!).  went back to o.'s place and played some Soul Calibur III - kicked o.'s ass (a bit).

i really should have asked exactly WHERE the studio was before saturday night...because once we got there, it was really hard to find - most of the students we asked had no idea what we were talking about.  i think we accidentally wandered into the right building, made it clear we wanted the "studio" performance (after being told several times that what we really wanted was the building next door where some *other* show was going on), and were directed down a long winding hallway which eventually led us to the right place.  Stone Cold Dead Serious is a play by Adam Rapp - who has written a number of disturbing books for young adults and adults.  i ran across it while i was looking for stuff for me and monkeybaby to do the other day...it sounded like something o. would really like as it involved videogames and fighting.  yeah.  so imagine a very dysfunctional family.  dad's completely strung out on pain meds for a back injury, mom's working a dead end job as a waitress, sis is a hardcore drug addict/whore, and bro plays video games - so well in fact that he's invited to participate in some kind of real life challenge against actual samurai/fighters in a battle to the death.  last person standing wins!  people lost limbs and heads and practically the whole family gets hospitalized, but bro WINS.  and you have a feeling that his prize money might even help make a difference in their lives.  it was bizarre and quirky and sick and wrong and funny and disturbing, but really good.  i'd definitely go see something by him again.  and i'd definitely try my luck (and my $5) on another northwestern production.  we went back to o.'s and were extremely lazy and slothful and then it was late and i needed to be home to do things (like actually accomplish Real Things) on sunday.  alas.

and now it is really late.  and i really should go to bed.  and so i shall.

posted by: juuitsu at March 09, 2007 06:53 | link | comments (2) |

the BEST reference question tonight:

[from a six year old kid]

"do you have any movies with chicks in them?"

um....like girls?

"NO!  like baby chicks!"

oh!  right!  sorry.  sure...

[edit] so some assumptions were made...  the six year old kid WAS, in fact, a BOY, which is why this was particularly funny.  because he gave us a *really* disgusted look when asked if he meant "girl" chicks.  like, ew, girls are gross, why would i want to see them?  and that's awesome.  that he thinks girls are gross.  he'll probably get over that.  someday.  [/edit]

posted by: juuitsu at March 08, 2007 02:54 | link | comments (1) |

ok.  i could keep updating this all night.  and by morning, you would all have so many lovely lovely (ok, or NOT so lovely) things to read.  mm.  no.  what you'd have is an overdose of my brain spinning its wheels.  and what i should really do is go to sleep and stop this insanity.  i don't think i've had anything caffeinated today, but i feel jumpy/twitchy/wired - just as if i did.  maybe my body is now producing this effect naturally.  grrreat.  just what i need.

i had breakfast for dinner - leftover blueberry pancakes, eggs, sassage (and maple syrup).  it was tasty-fine.  my body still can't decide if it's sick or not.  i have the slightest sore throat/headache/stuffiness - like something's just sitting in my throat.  perhaps a small toad.  it's not doing anything, though.  and what it needs to do is decide - up or down?  but i have no helping hands in my throat.  which is good, as they are freaky.  (see what i mean about the brain overdose?)  i did find a small toad once, which i named - appropriately - "small toad."  descriptive appellation.  i used to name everything.  even my backpacks had names.  boobala was one of them.  i never named my fish, though.  i had (and still have) a bunch of loaches (botias) and i just refer to them by their common or species names.  or collectively - as "the loaches."  i had a small clown loach once, which needed to be distinguished from the bigger clown loach, so i called that one "mini loach."  and there was some kind of catfish that i got as a foster fish who came with a name - "francis" - and he got to keep it.  my creativity is somewhat haphazard.

i...am stopping the insanity.  GO TO BED.  OK.

posted by: juuitsu at March 07, 2007 05:29 | link | comments |

so, last night, i dreamt that i was armenian or possibly indian, and...that i had a really nice, full, silky beard.  but, i was still me.  i had great cheekbones and these deep, deep, soulful brown eyes and i was doing laundry in my parents' basement (which must have been their basement of the past, because it was in this revolutionary uncluttered state - one it hasn't seen in the past 20 years).  there were people in the basement with me, because i was talking and laughing with them as i put my clothes in the washer.  and someone said something that made me thoughtful, and i stroked my beard.  and that's pretty much when i noticed for the first time that i had one.  a beard, that is.  a really soft beard.  it went from my sideburns down around my chin, and i must have kept it nicely trimmed because not a hair was out of place.  i just kept thinking, "wait, wait, i'm a girl.  girl's don't have facial hair like this."  but no one else seemed particularly bothered by it.  just like no one noticed that my skin and eye color and bone structure were completely different.  i wasn't really bothered by it either, because it felt so nice, but i did wonder if the guy i liked was going to have a problem with it...ya know, cuz it's so masculine and all of me to go and grow one.  i mean, what if he doesn't want to kiss me now that i've grown this amazing beard?  do i keep the beard and lose the guy?  what happens if i shave the beard off?  is it going to grow back in the same way?  how'd i get to be so damn fuzzy? 

posted by: juuitsu at March 07, 2007 05:14 | link | comments |

yeesh.  it's late and i'm freaking out about NZ.  i just spent three hours researching accomodations for three - what a pain in the ass.  and my traveling companions aren't keen on staying in backpacker places (which often have other types of rooms) so...yeah, i'm not sure what to do in places where it looks like the options are backpackers quarters OR luxury accomodations...  sigh.  i emailed our options to them.  i *almost* just went ahead and booked something and then reread the email which said RESEARCH our options, not DECIDE them.  i'm good with decisions, though.  just ask.  :)

there was a point in our meeting this afternoon when i realized that i was talking and talking and that everyone was listening to me and nodding like i was making a lot of sense.  which is crazy.  CRAZY.  and it struck me that there was once a time in my life when i was so shy and quiet that i'd never have said anything in a meeting...and that that time had passed.  so blah blah blah here's my opinion on everything - whether or not you people want it!  i asked the defector to take a look at my resume and let me know what she thought.  she didn't have time.  i wonder if she'll take it home?  i also gave her the information about the job i'm applying for...we also didn't have time to talk about it, so i'm sure she's wondering things.  just bursting with the wondering.  i need to finish that up by thursday.  it's *due* by Saturday...but i want to have it done and emailed before that.  plus i still need to write The World's Best Cover Letter.  k.  breathe.  there's still so much to do.

the defector mentioned that it's time to start our first round of solicitations for summer reading.  egads.  i'm in charge of that - once again.  asking people for donations is near the top of my list of things i HATE doing.  and i can't imagine why they thought i should be the one to do it.  do i have a big sign on my forehead that says, "hey, make me do things i absolutely loathe!  i'm a masochist!"  *examines forehead closely*  hm...no, that's not it.  *shrug*  i should mention that i don't have a phone of my own in neverneverland.  and that it's a pain in the ass to make a bunch of phone calls in a communal office with no freakin' privacy.  and it's a pain to go out and canvas the local businesses and hope that i'll run into someone who can make decisions about giving us stuff.  oh.  and no one has bothered to make up informational fliers or ANYTHING about the thing i'm supposed to be soliciting FOR. 

i also managed to talk my head off about how we should get going on designing that web portal for teens that we've talked about in the past.  and our webdesign guy and i hashed that out for about 10 minutes.  then i passed on our brainstormed stuff to my supervisor, who passed it on to the director and webdesign guy's supervisor.  and someday soon we'll all have a *MEETING* and i'll have to talk about all of this some more.  really, how many more things can i cram into the last two weeks before i leave?  i don't know.  i should probably apply for a few more grants, add some more teen programs, and redecorate.  what do you think?

i'm one of those people who cleans her place before she leaves for vacation - you know, so that when i get back it won't be a huge mess - because the last thing i want to come home to is the aftermath of Some Disaster.  and also, bugs.  or mice.  or something unnatural that crawled out of the rabbits' litterboxes.  cuz, ew.  i also feel like everything has to be in order at work before i go.  and also, since i'm applying for another job, i feel like it has to be even MORE in order because maybe i'll get *that* job and i'll have to quickly wrap up everything that i'm doing.  man, i'm doing a lot.  i'm going to need a vacation from my vacation - something cheap where i take a lot of calming walks. 

posted by: juuitsu at March 07, 2007 05:01 | link | comments (1) |

random word association...

i was recently disturbed by someone's profile, in which he encouraged all interested parties to "message me if you wish to peek further under my hood."  because the first association that came to mind was "clitoris."  and my OWN MIND completely horrified me with this image of him as an oddly shaped older bald-man clitoris, peeking out from behind his hood.  ACK.  stupid brain.  god.  if you saw him, you'd feel exactly the same - disturbed.  i know it. 

i can't see him as a car either.

mostly, i'd prefer not to look at him at all. no no no.

posted by: juuitsu at March 05, 2007 18:51 | link | comments (2) |

it usually takes me about THREE pancakes to get the pancakes the way i like them.  this morning's are exactly the right consistency and they taste fantastic...except for the part where they were supposed to be blueberry pancakes and i forgot the blueberries in the first 3.  yeah.  as soon as i've slept a few more hours i'm sure i'll be back to operating at peak proficiency.  or, you know, not.

posted by: juuitsu at March 04, 2007 15:37 | link | comments (3) |

sometimes it's hard to get anything done amidst all of the chatter in our office, and sometimes that's the only way things get done at all - through this ongoing exchange of words.  i guess the difference is that some days we call it "incessant chatter" and others it's "meaningful dialogue." 

 

we were trying to get our storytime lady to go home on thursday.  she's really sick - feverish, coughing, sneezing - and she's looking rather run down.  we had a You Are Sick and Virulent Intervention for her and voted her out of the office, but she Would Not Leave.  (grr.  frustrating.  it's not as though she doesn't have sick time and would be financially penalized for going home.  can you ever say at some point that someone's illness is *threatening* the well-being of other staff and send them home whether or not they want to go?  i do not know.)  following that, we discussed how we might have to shun her, and the defector said musingly, "that's like vampire cults!" whereupon, we all whipped around and said (collectively), "WHAT?!"  and she was forced to explain how she'd seen this thing on vampire cults and how one group wanted no more to do with one of its members, so they rendered her invisible.  hm.  and i said, "just like the Amish!"  so, now that we've established a concrete link between the vampires and the amish, people want to know what (if any) differences exist between the two...  "hm..." i say, "well, vampires can drive..."  giggles ensue.

 

shortly thereafter i ask the question that's been on my mind.  "who decides who gets the death penalty?"  i'm reading this book about equality in education (The Children in Room E4, by Susan Eaton), and i'm on the part where they're talking about famous civil rights litigators and some of the cases with which they've been involved.  so, the lawyers are making the case that the death penalty is discriminatory - they've found evidence that the death penalty is awarded (yeesh, what an award) most often to black perpetrators who murder white victims - a higher percentage than black on black murders or white on white murders (never mentions any white on black murders, but seems like they'd want to check that out for statistical significance as well).  anyway.  i was under the impression that you get a jury of your peers for big deal cases like that - and i thought it was up to the lawyers to make sure that those people were acceptable.  or, are they themselves discriminatory?  k.  my point is that it seems hard to make the case that the death penalty is discriminatory, if it's the jury that chooses it.  if it's the judge (or judges in general) and you can consider the judicial *club* to be an exclusive society that's got its own unspoken code of ethics, maybe you've got a case. (hm, or i suppose you might have a case if you can prove that the defendants who receive the death penalty have lawyers who aren't looking out for their best interests) so i was wondering who decides what punishment is meted out?  if it's the jury, you're going to have a hell of a time proving your case.  if the final decision comes down from the judge(s), though, maybe not.  it certainly seems like you might be able to say for an individual case that the proceedings were discriminatory, but to generalize...yeah, i'm not sure.  it's not clear to me exactly how they went about it.

 

a couple of minutes later, our Colleague of Perpetual Computer Annoyances (CoPCA) comes running in, "can someone show me how to move a file into a file?"  yes.  i take two file folders off my desk and insert one into the other to mass applause.   

posted by: juuitsu at March 03, 2007 22:31 | link | comments (1) |

domino has fallen asleep next to her bone.  the silence is deafening.  too bad i need to be awake shortly. :)

this is a continuation of the entry below...in that some things shall become more clear and some questions (burning!) shall be answered.

i went to see dar williams in concert on friday last with monkeybaby.  due to traffic, we ended up not leaving her house until after 5:30, which was bad as the concert was in madison.  i'd only just had lunch (around 4:30, so i wasn't hungry), but mb hadn't eaten since around noon...and it was soon obvious that she was mighty mighty put out about something.  she was so snippy it hurt my feelings.  yeah.  it had started snowing by the time we got into wisconsin, and things slowed down even more.  we made it to the theater with about 10 minutes to spare, so there wasn't really any time to feed her until after the show.  and as we left i thought, man, if she's still as crabby as she was when we got here this drive home is really going to suck.  she was slightly better.  half an hour later after we stopped at wendy's she was her normal, cheerful self once again - that "girl from over the hill" (that's what my grandma used to call me when i got moody around her) was gone. 

the drive back was about the scariest i've ever had.  there was so much snow, and i couldn't see where the road was and there were huge trucks whipping past us.  i had to stop several times to get out and de-ice my wipers, which kept freezing up.  the roads were NOT plowed at all (or, if they were - not to any noticeable effect), and cars were skidding everywhere.  we passed several vehicles that had gone off into ditches - no accidents involving other vehicles, though.  if i'd been on my own, i would have found somewhere to stay the night and avoided all of the late night snow insanity in favor of a warm bed, some cable tv, and a leisurely breakfast the following morning.  it wasn't meant to be.  i got home after 3 a.m. after driving about 9 hours between friday afternoon and saturday morning.  bleh.

dar was decent.  and her opening gal, Brianna Lane, was fantastic!  really liked her breathy/raspy vocals and her accoustic accompaniment. 

posted by: juuitsu at March 02, 2007 23:00 | link | comments |

shh...i'm trying to take a nap.

it's not working very well, though.  i gave the dog a bone before naptime and she brought it in here to munch on while keeping me company.  it sounds like she is literally ripping a skeleton apart.  i should just give her a bone saw and have done with it. 

i've been laying here on this bed, face down, eyes shut for the past hour - no sign of sleep.  man, this sucks.  i had a whole conversation about my brother's computer woes (with the folks' computer) while my eyes were closed.  bro went down into his lair and returned a few minutes later and rolled a cadbury egg under my arm - still while my eyes were closed.  i opened them.  i laughed.  i told him about oberon's mp3 player isses (*my* technology woes by proxy - because i can't let a reference question sit there unanswered, apparently).  he told me his friend john's mp3 player blew up.  i didn't ask.  knowing john, i'm sure it did *actually* blow up...as opposed to that being a euphemism for "stopped working."

it's been a bad day for sleep.  i got here around 4 this morning.  bom decided to shovel the back porch around 8ish - you wouldn't *think* that'd be loud, but you'd be wrong.  WHAM!  WHAM!  WHAM!  ok, she was more *sweeping* the porch and smacking it (whenever possible?) with her broom.  still unbelievably loud.  i got up around 9:45 after dreaming that mom had grown her hair out in the back and now sported a mullet - which she spent an inordinate amount of time coiffing every morning.  her new style was very glossy and bouncy and she'd curled the ends up around a fat curling iron.  she swung her new do and asked if we liked it. we just stared at her aghast.  after telling her about my dream, bom said she's been thinking it's time to dye her hair purple again (i've done this for her twice in the past). 

i got all of my errands done.  dropped off wmedia's britcoms (which i've had since christmas), and made it out to northwestern and back, so hopefully i'll know where i'm going tomorrow night.  finally GOT the tickets.  these tickets, for all of their cheapness, have given me a lot of grief.  i emailed the box office about dates and times, since their website info was a little confusing, and once that was straightened out, they told me i should call the box office and order my tix that way.  when i called the box office they told me they'd charge $4 per ticket to order them over the phone which seemed really silly to me since they're only $5 apiece if you just go to the box office and get them.  i asked if they thought there'd still be tix available the night of the performance, thinking, oh we can just get them then, and they said, "oh yeah, that shouldn't be a problem."  then i got to thinking, well, what if they're wrong and they're out and i drive us all the way over there and we're out of luck?  that'd be annoying.  so i decided last friday that i'd just drive to evanston and get them early.  yeah.  i only had a few hours to work with and it took a long time to get there and then i wasn't able to find what i was looking for, and then i couldn't find anywhere to park so i could investigate on foot, and then i had to get over to monkeybaby's house so we could go see Dar.  so i left.  sans tickets.  today, i'd thoroughly researched the map and figured out where i needed to go, and it was like clockwork.  not only was there parking near the theater, but i picked out the building first try.  whee.  objective (and tickets) achieved.  ooh.  plus?  we stopped at Great Harvest and picked up some bread.  yum.  and got lunch. 

i'm still sleepy, though.

posted by: juuitsu at March 02, 2007 22:30 | link | comments (2) |

today i helped innumerable teen girls open files, save documents, and scan things...while their mothers stood by and ranted, "ohmigod, [insert name of teenage girl here]  what were you THINKING?" obviously at their wits' end.  and i thought - after watching [insert name of teenage girl here] respond to her mom's criticism - wow is it ever nice not to have someone roll their eyes at me like THAT.  of course, i used to *be* that someone rolling my eyes, but now i do it over the phone and so no one is the wiser.

i did have a really stupid conversation with my father earlier today.  i called him to see about staying over at their place one or two nights this week, because i have an insane weekend schedule that requires me to be more by them than out by me (sometimes i look at what i write and wonder if it can possibly make sense to anyone other than me - eh, i can't be bothered to fix it; there shall be NO editing tonight!).  i was out walking in the gale before work and i'm sure it was one of those really annoying cell phone conversations.  "WHAT?  SAY THAT AGAIN?"  yeah.  sorry, dad.  anyway.  so he asked me a question (my inner teen has already inserted "really dumb" just before "question") which i didn't think was all that important - something to do with how i was getting to where i was getting on the morrow (my inner teen's response was "it is none of your business"), and i tried to answer him, but he just kept not getting it.  and then i wanted to scream, "the LOGISTICS are NOT important.  know THIS: my arrival is imminent.  expect it.  somewhat late-ish."  5 minutes later (of me saying the same thing over and over again - with my inner teen wanting to run away and slam her bedroom door after screaming "you NEVER LISTEN to me!") we finally communicated and he got whatever worthless information it was that he wanted/needed to know.  woo.

it was a really bad day in neverneverland (which shall hereafter replace the word "work").  there was an off-site program tonight and then a whole lot of publicity (discovered only this afternoon) about it indicated that it was taking place IN neverneverland.  which just wasn't so.  and then a lot of frantic phone calls were made to make sure that the people who were presenting the program had the correct location (which they did not).  and then the person being responsible for informing them felt really really bad about it - even though she had called them weeks ago and left a message about the change.  yeah.  that doesn't always work (neverneverland?  NO, BAD!  *WHACK!*).  i called and left multiple messages for one of my presenters, AND wrote her a letter, AND made sure the date and time of her presentation was INCLUDED in that information.  and she still came an hour late as per our *original agreement*.  i really had no other ways of reaching her - that's all the contact information she'd given us!  these things happen.  another staff member totally freaked out and took it as some kind of attempt to personally embarrass him as he was the one who ended up talking to the presenters (after lots of phone tag).  which it was not.  there should have been more follow-up, and the responsible person has a bit of a reputation for allowing this sort of thing to happen.  *deep breath*  hoo boy.  we caught the few people who came to us instead of the correct location and sent them happily on their way.  situation under control.

my struggle to fit everything that needs to be done into the next couple weeks continues.  in addition, there's a job i want to apply for somewhere else.  it *sounds* really groovy from the description - which says very little about *actual* responsibilities and only asks for someone who blogs, IMs and messes with wikis.  i'm your man!  um, woooo-man!  so.  let us set sunday aside for that.  if you see me online, make sure i'm working on my resume.  NO MORE putting it off.  i complain so much about neverneverland sometimes...and i really need to try/do something else before i scrap this current path and do something Very Flake-y (as is my tendency).  k.

posted by: juuitsu at March 01, 2007 03:24 | link | comments (1) |

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