veiled exuberance

none shall pass.

*groan*

there are just not enough hours in the day.  i keep hoping that this will change.  it's getting late again and i need to hurry (HURRY) up and write this before it's time to sleep (actually, it was time to sleep about an hour ago - at least for those of us who plan on being up at 5). 

* i finished painting!  finally!  i can't even remember how long ago i started, but it's been a couple months at least.  the peruvian hypnochicken wallpaper is no more.  oberon is probably the only one who misses it.  well, apart from the hypnochickens themselves.  they've been known to curse people who cross them, you know.  i'm not sure if tearing down their representations will be interpreted as offensive (and thus, curse-worthy) or not. 

* i bought a bunch of stuff that i probably don't need, but will be nice to have.  like a couch (it's supposed to arrive this saturday), some new dining room chairs (which aren't rabbit-gnawed or falling apart - yet), and a printer.  i so do not need any of this stuff.  and when my credit card bill arrives, i'm sure i will fantasize about returning it all.  part of me is really pleased about all the work i've done to make things *nice* and part of me never cared in the first place.  this was just one.more.distraction that's keeping me from doing other things - like writing/drawing/biking/etc.

* my feet have been *really* sore in the mornings recently.  i think sleeping just makes them stiffer.  if i do lots of ankle circles and massage them before i go to bed, sometimes they feel better.  also?  wearing sneakers helps.  maybe they just object to all of this silly sandaling and flip-flopping.  i'm not sure if more walking would help or not.  my exercise regimen (if you can call it that) is all screwed up.  i started swimming laps a couple months ago, and i LOVE it (love it and have missed it a lot), but the only time they offer it is at 6:00am.  and i can't really justify driving to the pool, since gas is so expensive and it's only a mile or so away...  but the early mornings are KILLING me.  i'm exhausted by mid morning, and it doesn't really get better later on in the day, either.  so extra walking or biking or anything, really, on the days that i swim really hasn't happened.  it's frustrating.

* also frustrating is whatever damage i have done to my eye.  i woke up a couple days ago and my left eye was bright red at the corner.  of course, every time i try to examine it, it moves - because it's *my* eye i'm trying to look with.  *sigh*  i finally had someone at work look at it today, and she said it looks like i burst a blood vessel or bruised my eye.  how the hell did i do that while i was asleep?  did i try to gouge it out?  i'm going to have to work on being less violent when i'm resting.  although, if i *am* violent in my sleep, maybe it explains why i'm so tired.

* i have rediscovered the joys of minions.  i have a bunch of volunteers this summer and i'm enjoying the part where i get to put them to work doing my bidding (bwahaha!).  one of my teen clubs met this evening and pretty much completed all of the work that i was going to have to do tomorrow to prep for our upcoming community event.  for this?  i adore them.  this is really what i have been hoping would happen - that they would take ownership and responsibility for some of the things that they want to do.  not because i'm lazy, but because i can't do it all and i really want them to feel important and needed and valuable.  i love this particular group - the photography enthusiasts - our meetings go by so fast because there's so much to do and everyone has so much to share.  when i was bookstore managing, i had a bunch of employees who referred to themselves (fondly) as my "slaves."  they wanted matching leather outfits with logos, insignias. 

* i talked to TWO reporters today about Stephenie Meyer's new book Breaking Dawn, and the event that we're hosting.  we still don't have enough people to make it worthwhile.  i need one more person to sign up before it's worth my time and effort (but i'm hoping for at least 6 more).  It's been awhile since any of the papers have run anything about our programs...i mean, other than to include them in their events sections.  these are supposed to be feature stories, so that could get us/me/the event some publicity.  they used to send out reporters and photographers regularly.  hasn't happened in awhile.  i also poked around on Stephenie's website.  she actually addresses one of my complaints about her main character being "wussy."  granted, "people's responses to grief are different" kind of *feels* like a cop-out to me, but still.  i just like strong characters, and i'm not particularly tolerant of people's shortcomings - in literature, anyway. 

* i took half of wednesday off because i felt awful.  everyone is doing that this week.  maybe it's mid-summer malaise?  i was crampy and tired of being tired and behind.  not that this has changed significantly in the past couple of days.  at least i got in a good nap, and finished some of the stuff that was waiting for me to have time.  i don't know why everything seems to be so much more compressed this summer.

* i've been having fun with these short dreamscapes and flash fiction that i've been writing recently - the last couple of posts here.  there's more in my head (and my dream) of the dragon one, but i'm kind of curious where it will go after that, or if it should take some other direction now - one that makes more sense to my waking self.  i still mean to get back to the story about the silver bangle (as soon as i find an hour and my notes) and finish that up.  at least, then, i can feel like i've finished something.  ANYTHING! 

* the karaoke insanity drones on.  i'm looking into boiling oil.  i think, unfortunately, they're too far away to make this an effective deterrent, but it may work on the people who smoke in the alley.  sometimes i wish that they would smoke MORE, you know, so they'd kill themselves FASTER, and get out of my HAIR, or rather, my ALLEY.  MINE.  i realize that's a bit over the top antisocial (well, anti-smoking, anyway).  i know some really fabulous smokers, but that's not why i like them, and i'd sure love it if they'd stop.  this has been a public service message...

*it's officially past the time i was going to go to bed.  i'm in the middle of about 4 different books right now, but by the time i settle down to read, i'm too tired, and i make it about a paragraph before falling asleep - sometimes with my face pressed into the pages.  this can't be healthy.

posted by: juuitsu at July 24, 2008 23:15 | link | comments (1) |

when i woke up that morning i knew the dragon would come for me.  i had been noticed.  i was on its radar.  i'd done whatever it was you have to do to get a dragon's attention.  it was coming after me at last - and it wouldn't be opposed to taking the townspeople, too, if i was among them.  not that i was going to let it.  not once i knew.  my family was surprisingly nonchalant as we started the evacuation.  they promised that we would stick together - solidarity! - we were family, after all.  but i knew i was leaving them.  the dragon wanted me and would follow me (and only me) wherever i went.  whatever i had done to earn its ire, i would draw it away from the few people i loved, as well as the many i did not.  and so, after the station wagon was packed with all of our worldly goods, and after the sun had set, and after my family slumbered blissfully unaware of my intentions, i slipped away into the night. 

i did not have a plan beyond this escape.  there hadn't been time to formulate one, especially since mom really wanted the house to be clean before we abandoned it.  well.  she would be able to return to it in a few days - still sparkling, i'm sure -as soon as the dragon cleared the sky.  i'd grabbed a few things, stuffed them in my backpack, and headed out.  i thought to take refuge in some overgrown garden or an abandoned outbuilding far, far away from home.  i had no idea how to hide from the dragon - i'd never made a study of dragons, their habits, or their hunting methods.  to make matters worse, no one had ever escaped their own personal dragon as far as i knew.  still, there was no reason to make it easy for my dragon.  it probably expected some sort of challenge, and i'd hate to disappoint it by being easy.

i walked most of the night, keeping away from the roads and wide open places.  i clung to the shadows, and skulked around trees - casting my gaze up at the sky every now and then to scan for dragon.  did dragons fly by night?  i had no idea.  perhaps they did not see particularly well in the dark.  every whisper of wind had my heart jumping - i tried to keep my body still so as not to attract any attention, but it was difficult.  i had no training in stealth, and my steps were loud to my own ears.  what would they sound like to my dragon?

when my nerves were frayed and the eastern horizon began to stretch into morning, i found a reasonably isolated barn.  there were no farmhouses within sight of it, and the door slid quietly open the requisite inches i needed to squeeze inside.  i turned to close it, my eyes on the clouds - which all looked like dragons - and watched the light fade from the room behind me.  i should have checked, should have made certain, should have been more careful.  in that velvety darkness, with my hand still on the wooden beam of the door, i felt a presence.  and for a second that stretched into a millennium, i could not move.  when a hand fell on top of mine, it was hard not to yelp my surprise (and relief).  not my dragon, after all.

"shhhh..." a voice warned.  the hand grasped mine and led me deeper into the barn.  my eyes had not quite adjusted to the full darkness of the room, and i stumbled a few times.  my guide, however, was patient and helpful.  after i banged my knee painfully on the side of a stall, we halted.  two hands grasped my arms above the elbows and pulled me down into some hay.  i sat awkwardly and waited for whatever was to happen next.

posted by: juuitsu at July 15, 2008 01:29 | link | comments (2) |

Nictitating membranes flicked across the bulbous eyes of the kraken as itregarded Brooke with something akin to adoration.  When she awakened it, the kraken had attempted to crush her repeatedly - to no avail.  Brooke easily sidestepped its attacks.  She was focused entirely on her research.

The kraken was forced to resort to conversation.  It admired Brooke's form-fitting wetsuit.  "So, come here often?" it offered in a voice thick with sea slime.

"Mm."  Brooke responded.  She had three spiny lumpfish attached to her left hand.  She studied their pectoral fins, which formed disc-like suction cups in the center of their bodies.  They gleamed as the salt water streamed off of their scales.  She prodded one gently with the end of her stylus.  It blorped.

The kraken cleared its throat.  "I wanted to ask..." it trailed off as Brooke brushed the lumpfish into the sea and pulled a large moray eel out of its observation tank.  She weighed its heft between her hands, oblivious to the kraken's distress.

"What I mean is..."

Brooke looked up, giving it her full attention at last.  "Yes?"

"I...I'm sorry about the crushing."

Brooke wrapped the writhing eel around her shoulders and dismissed the kraken's apology with an impatient wave.

"Look.  I know a few things about the sea.  I...could..."  Brooke nodded slowly, encouragingly.  "I could show you.  If you wanted."  It scuffed a flippered foot somewhat awkwardly and caused a tidal wave.  It's cheeks flushed a deep kelpy green.  "Oh...oh, crap."

Brooke smiled at it and stepped forward.  "I'd like that," she said. 

When she took its hand, the kraken was smitten.  It melted before her, horrible, horrible, in its rapturous glee.

posted by: juuitsu at July 15, 2008 00:39 | link | comments (3) |

just as i was about to start another post with "so," horrible green goblin spider monkeys dangled out of their trees and distracted me.  i killed them with my sword.  it's +2 against spider monkeys. 

i have a headache.  it is just beginning.  i bet if i went to bed now, i could nip it in the bud.  *nips to no avail*  i was writing postcards half an hour ago, and i did one of my famous whoops-i-fell-asleep-in-the-middle-of-whatever-it-was-that-i-was-doing moves.  but, because i am staying with people, they saw me laying face down in my cards and turned off the light.  i woke up about 20 minutes later and couldn't figure out what was going on.  ack!  darkness!  ack!  postcards stuck to my face!  it's all ok, though.  i've got a handle on it now.

my *vacation* has been less than restful.  remind me next time i'm off NOT to check my work email at all.  and i mean AT ALL.  i've had to squash down the urge to throttle certain someones more than once now.   and i left very clear instructions about Things and Stuff, which no one else feels the need to email me about...  so, enough with the progress updates already!  i shall be mute and unresponsive.  yay.

so, tell us, juuitsu, what stupid thing did you do today?  oh, you'll love this!  i got home from the lake (which i did not experience due to the 12 hour + storm that blew in while i was up there) this morning and checked my email.  my stuff has shipped from Target!  yay!  but what's this?  it's all shipped to my friends' house, which is a good hour away.  how did this happen?  well, the last thing i ordered from Target was a gift.  for them.  and somehow that got set as my default shipping address??  i'm completely perplexed.  obviously, i wasn't paying attention - just, you know, spending money.  as i'm leaving one of the (probably) stupidest voice mails ever for them, i get an email from one of them saying, "uh, we got some chairs yesterday, and we think they might be yours..."  oh great.  my embarrassment knows no end.  i guess it could have been worse.  i could have ordered something really kinky.  or, barring really kinky (i don't know if Target stocks anything quite that kinky), maybe an embarrassing combination of things.  all i got were two chairs and a bench, and the only conclusion one can really draw from that is that i want to sit down.  a lot.  one of the friends asked if me and the other friend had a secret "chair joke" going on.   no...but now we have the basis for a really good one.  maybe they'll start shipping stuff to me.  it's a good excuse to see people...but, it'd have been better if i'd planned it that way.  :)  though, they *did* just get a puppy...hmm.  perhaps i am subconsciously plotting.  unbeknownst even to me!

posted by: juuitsu at July 11, 2008 23:39 | link | comments |

so i'm finally ready to drive to wisconsin last night - after i finished priming that one wall...after i finished giving powder a bath because he'd peed outside of his litter box and then LAID in it (ugh!  he was really helpful, though, and kept licking himself the entire time because he was, you know, wet!wet!wet!)...after i'd gotten enough food together for the next couple days...etc.  it's a short-ish trip, and i get there in good time.  i stop for gas because it's ten cents cheaper per gallon.  i get to the house and put on my hoodie in preparation for the mosquito assault that is sure to occur as soon as i open the car door.  i'm also preparing for the brief foray underneath the house (spiders!) so i can turn on the water.  someone needs to redesign *that* particular aspect of the plumbing.  i have my keys.  i prepare to unlock....wtf?  is this a new padlock on the door?  must be!  because none of my FOUR keys fit it. 

in the immortal words of That Guy Who Lived Down The Hall From Me In College:

I SAY GODDAMN!

so i walked around the house - after trying all of the keys a bunch of different times - to see if there were any windows open or if i could get in the front door.  yeah.  no.  i call home and proceed to have one of the most frustrating conversations of my LIFE with my brother and parents.  i think i'm hoping one of them will magically appear with the correct set of keys and de-frustrate me.  but, no.  they're due to drive out today.  and i guess it was too much to ask for to have them drive out last night and just stay the night there.  like me.  my dad said, "well, you don't expect us to drive FOUR hours there and back to solve this little problem, do you?"  no.  but it'd have been nice if you drove out and stayed.  since you were coming up anyway.  i'm still slightly irritated, so maybe it's completely unreasonable of me to want that.  ok, it probably is.  but i was SO angry.  and so hungry.  these two things are a really bad combination, because they add up to no patience at all.  so i got off the phone with them rather spectacularly, saying something like, "well, wow.  i'm really pissed AND i'm really hungry.  i'm going to need to go now, because this REALLY isn't very productive.  i'll talk to you later."  and something about jesus.  which my brother thought was funny.  "can HE unlock the door?" 

anyway.  i've slept AND eaten and i feel much better.  and much, much, much less bitchy.  i was tired, too.  because once i got back here (it was slightly after 8), i tried to read and kept falling asleep.  i'm going to try this whole thing again - hopefully my folks have the correct set of keys and my brother didn't lock the necessary ones in the house.  cuz, if he did, he's going to have 3 people furious with him instead of just me. 

ok.  and if i'm honest, i should have checked to see which padlock keys i have - last week, when i was up there.  because there are like 4 or 5 different padlocks on that house.  and i have exactly one padlock key.  so the chances of my having the right one for any particular lock is only 1 in 4 or 1 in 5.  ooh, probability math!  meh.  but at one time, my one key *did* fit the lock that was on the door.  you know, like a year ago.

posted by: juuitsu at July 10, 2008 07:47 | link | comments (2) |

CSA week 2:
*eggs
*spinach
*arugula
*snap peas
*dill
*garlic

CSA week 3:
*spinach
*romaine
*red sails lettuce
*cilantro
*parmex carrots
*onions

i find that since i consider this support of community farms *special* i also make a *special* effort to use all of my produce.  (although, i failed with the radishes, since i wasn't sure what to do with them other than stick 'em in a salad - and while they were pleasantly crunchy, they were not my favorite thing - nor could i pawn them off on the bunnies.)  this means more cooking.  which isn't a bad thing. 

some thoughts:
arugula is not as bitter as i remember it being.  i mean, yeah, it's a stronger taste than romaine lettuce, but it's not terrible.  i had it mixed with the spinach greens and in green drinks.  i also made some pasta and put the hot noodles over the spinach/arugula so that it became ever so slightly wilty and warm.  added some cheese and tomatoes and pepper and it was pretty delicious.  yum.  and also, very simple.  i cooked up the snap peas last week and they were surprisingly sweet and crisp (even after having been steamed).  i will definitely be looking forward to more of those!  garlic ended up in a fish dish this week (along with the onion greens and bulbs - tiny!).  i fried up some mahi mahi in the pan with the garlic and onions (chopped) and some soy sauce and lemon juice.  it was pretty tasty.  less lemon juice next time, i think.  the parmex carrots are some of the cutest root vegetables i've seen. maybe because they're so young and tiny and round.  the rabbits and i have been munching on these little by little.  they came with HUGE carrot tops, which look like parsley a bit and are edible.  my organic farmer posted a recipe for carrot top soup on her blog, but i just used mine in my green drinks so i wouldn't have to buy parsley this week.  they are not as tasty as parsley, but serve the same purpose.  just remembered the lettuces from this past pick up and will have them for lunch/dinner today.  probably with the last of the bbq chicken my brother made.

posted by: juuitsu at July 08, 2008 07:46 | link | comments |

so, i have a lot of catching up to do.  i should make a list.  but!  i also have some time this week which i can use to catch up.  so this could all work out in the end.  at least for the next week.  and until i run out of time off.  i don't really think it *is* possible for me to run out of things to do even with additional time in which to do them.  this is becoming needlessly long and confusing.  this is the nature of things.

in a couple of weeks the wonderful Kate the Great's Book Emporium will be closing its doors permanently.  i've been going to events there over the past year or so - readings, plays, live music, perrrrformances, and the like - and i'm going to miss all of that (plus the lovely people who run the store).  a few months ago i read a short, short poem of mine, and it was probably so short that no one processed it (you know, it was over too quickly - almost before it began), and there were only a few people there, so hardly anyone heard it...  still, it was good to do it.  a few weeks after that i got to take part in a reading of someone's play - and that was a lot of fun (turns out it's a lot easier reading someone else's words), too.  i'm actually hoping that we can do something like that for teens/kids at the library - just because it *was* so much fun!  :)  most recently, i brought in (and read!) a slightly retouched version of the introduction to my attackrabbits story...and, oh wow, i was really pleased and really shocked (but mostly really pleased) with how well it went over.  i mean, i guess i knew it had an audience because there were several people who really liked it online, but people actually came up to me after i read and told me that they'd enjoyed it and asked me if i was an author - stuff that made me squee inwardly.  it was a very positive experience and reception.  i shall now go off and grin about it some more.

posted by: juuitsu at July 06, 2008 21:44 | link | comments (3) |

i am all over bites from mosquitoes due to an ill-advised hike i took yesterday.  i wanted to show oberon this pretty place i'd been a few weeks ago, which is a bit of a drive and a bit of a walk - but really, really worth it when there aren't millions of mosquitoes intent on sucking your blaahd.  and they were.  intent.  i may have developed some kind of sensitivity to mosquito...saliva?  gah.  ick.  because my little red bumps became big red welts that joined forces and combined into uberwelt.  and now i look like i'm diseased.  yay.  some bits of me itch more than others.  *sigh*  the real tragedy is how much i did NOT enjoy the hiking, especially since i instigated it.  even o. stopped his (mostly) good-natured complaining when he noticed how miserable i was.  that. says. something. 

anyway.  wish me luck with my swellings.

posted by: juuitsu at July 06, 2008 21:11 | link | comments (1) |

between dreams where i was beating people up for their many transgressions against me, i had a creepy mini-dream episode where a friend of mine revealed that she was pregnant.

we're in a kitchen - i note the tile floor - but it's dark.  there's this one slash of light dividing the room's darkness in half.  and as i walk through it, i can see her sitting in the shadows with her head down between her hands.  when i'm sitting across from her, she looks up through her bangs, unsurprised to see me there and starts talking about the incredible mystery of life.  it's all words, words, words, because i'm trying to focus on her face, trying to see if there's anything different about her. 

"i'm only about 3 months along..." she's saying.  ok, so physically (at least from my perspective) there may be very little to see.  the light swings suddenly across her face and i notice that she's got quite a healthy growth of dark, coarse hairs across her upper lip and a dusting of them under her chin.  i look down quickly and try to control my shock, but it's useless, because she's wearing shorts and her upper thighs are covered with more of these hairs. 

"blah blah blah...and i was so stuffy!  i didn't realize that pregnancy would make me sniffly!  oh, and, my doctor said that some women develop this weird hormonal imbalance and their bodies start producing excessive amounts of testosterone to level out the estrogen that's coursing through their systems...so, yeah, lucky me...i'm HAIRY...blah blah blah..." 

ack.  who says pregnancy makes you radiant? 

***

this is sort of a blend-y dream.  a friend of mine did recently write to tell me that she's expecting, and she sent a newsletter she gets about what to expect during her pregnancy.  so, the sniffling thing is from that.  the hair thing is most definitely not.  it's probably me thinking about how i ought to shave my legs.  and wondering where that odd little bruise came from that's under my chin and then noticing, ACK, i'm growing a beard!  er.  well, not really.  there were a few extra-long facial hairs.  but, the women i work with assure me that in a few years - if their experience is anything to go by - i should be sprouting a full-on beard.  ugh.  can't wait.  k.  i think that's enough personal details for tonight.

posted by: juuitsu at July 06, 2008 21:02 | link | comments (1) |

tonight i forgot how old i was.  uh-oh.  i was sitting in monkeybaby's living room, talking to her and her husband (mr. monkeybaby), and mr. monkeybaby asked if i'm still without air conditioning.  yes, i said.  he said, well, maybe we can get you some for when you turn thirty...  oh!  monkeybaby and i exchanged looks that said 'he has no idea.'  and then we tried to straighten him out.  except that i couldn't remember just how many years past that milestone i am.  yikes.  and then i tried to remember what it says in one of my online profiles, and, failing that, tried to remember how old o.'s profile says *he* is, because i know i've got a year on him.  no dice.  then i got all excited when monkeybaby said, 'she's only a few months younger than me...'  she wouldn't admit to an age, either, though.  so i checked when i got home.  to see.  because the math would have made me crash into something on the way home.  i'm just too tired to have a life this week.

seriously.

i rode in the indy nite ride again this past saturday.  it was a beautiful night for most of the ride (poured at the end, but after i'd already put my bike up and gotten my snack) - breezy, cool, festive.  got back to banana's house a bit after 1am and slept in until 8ish, when i got a phone call from her mother (i'd mistakenly dialed the wrong cell phone number the night before, and she was returning my call because the message i left was garbled...anyway long story short - or possibly short story lengthened beyond what's reasonable - she woke me up way too early).  i figured i'd better start facing the day and my 4 hour drive back home.  so i had a shower and banana and i had breakfast and took her dogs for a walk.  then i jumped in my car and drove and drove and drove.  and traffic was ass once i got back into the city.  didn't move at all for a long time.  so i got off the expressway near my grandmother's house and took other roads to avoid the traffic (unavoidable, really).  got *back* on the expressway once i'd cleared the worst of it, and arrived home safely owing to the urgency of my need to pee more than anything else.

and now it's like i have no stamina for anything.  it's a 15-20 minute to monkeybaby's house, and i almost fell asleep on the way home tonight.  it was only 10.  gah.  and i had to pee on the way to the gym this afternoon, and that's another 15-20 minute commute from work.  and i was DESPERATE for the bathroom.  i think my body is really tired of delays and is not up for any further inconveniences.  good luck with THAT, body.

i'm going to try and get up early for the lap swim tomorrow morning.  but the way i'm feeling right now...doesn't bode well. 

posted by: juuitsu at July 01, 2008 23:19 | link | comments (3) |

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